I am planning to begin a series of posts where I do a deep dive into the basic aspects and concepts of the dharma. A Dharma for Dummies type of thing. So as an introduction, I’ll line out what I’m planning for each post.
In the first set, I will dig into the Four Noble Truths, with a post for each one. Then the next set will be the Eightfold Path, followed by the Three Jewels, the Precepts, then after that, who knows?
All I know is I want…no, I NEED to write. And what better way to do that than to pinch the idea many people have had and do a simplified breakdown of my own. I believe it will also help my understanding of these concepts as well.
I’ve been consistent with my meditation practice, reading and studying, but this is what I really miss – the writing.
Maybe people will read it, maybe they won’t. That doesn’t matter.
So I’ve done this before. Changes in life caused me to lose interest in devoting time to practice multiple times. But I usually come back. I’m going to read through all my posts to take a 10,000 foot view of the journey so far, organize my thoughts and start writing again. If not for anyone else, at least it will be for my personal therapy. Stay tuned if you would like…
After an almost 4 year span of time not formally sitting in meditation, today I decided to sit. Yes, I have laid in bed with insomnia and focused on my breath, usually successful in falling asleep. However, sitting my ass on a cushion? Nah, it’s been a while.
Recently, it has been on my mind to get back into daily practice after a whirlwind life for the last 4 years. I’ve noticed anger has once again reared its ugly head, with my mind shitting out thoughts and feelings of irritation and impatience with those around me.
So I feel the time is now to work on myself again by sitting, reading something other than comic books, and hopefully writing in this blog. Ironically, I logged back into it today after letting my domain/hosting lapse and bringing it back to the wordpress host, I was met with a notification of my 6 year anniversary of starting it. On the 6th. Of June. Ha!
In the event someone happens to read this, I hope to put my feelings and thoughts into text more often than once every 3 years.
\m/
EDIT: I just posted this and got a notification that this was my 50th post on Metal Buddha. Kinda cool…
I just wanted to let you know that if you have metalbuddha.com linked on your site or blog, that I will not be renewing my domain name, so my blog will got back to being just https://metalbuddha.wordpress.com, so if you would like to update your links that would be cool. I just can’t afford it right now, and I haven’t been very active in my writing since life has changed lately.
I have no idea what to write. True story. I sat down to my laptop with the intent of writing a new blog post, but my mind is blank.
And that’s a good thing.
I’m not pecking away at the keyboard bitching about the bullshit going on in my life, complaining about finances, work stress, my son’s attitude, etc. Typically this is where I would vent about the pressures and troubles in life, and what I’m doing to get through it by applying Buddhist principles and meditation and shit.
In general, my stress level is pretty low, I’m not worrying so much about everything, and overall I’m one happy motherfucker (thanks in part to having an awesome woman that came into my life 6 months ago). However, the analytical asshole that I am, I wondered what changed, so I’m going to spit-ball a bit on this…
I think in the beginning of following this path, I used Buddhism as an escape from reality, and maybe I’m not alone in that. We get all fired up about this new thing, working toward being awakened, or enlightened, or finding nirvana, yadda yadda yadda, that we lose sight of what is the real deal and think we can meditate our problems away.
Time still passes one second at a time. Life is still happening as soon as we drag our ass off the cushion and the incense dies out, so we don’t have a choice but to deal with the challenges that arise. Realizing that everything is impermanent and applying the Eightfold Path are keys to just being happy. Basic shit, amirite?
Yeah, the bills still show up, people can be dickweeds and everyone on the road is a horrible driver but you. Keep in mind that eventually you will be able to pay that bill, you can’t control how people act, and there is nothing you can do about shitty drivers but keep calm and continue to your destination (oh man, this is the hardest one for me).
This is what I’ve tried to put into action lately: To be happy, practice BEING happy.
Now, enjoy some Deadly Light, video below. And don’t forget, life is short, meditate naked. Peace out! \m/
I have sure lost track of time these last few months and I don’t even remember the last time I posted on this here weblog. I’ve been grinding away at work, makin’ that paper and spending any time I can with my girl and hanging with my son on the weekends. The good thing is, even though there is sort of a routine day-to-day, it really doesn’t feel like it. I don’t feel bored and stagnant any longer, like I have in the past.
I will admit I haven’t spent much time on the cushion lately. OK, OK, you got me, I’ve meditated maybe twice since last year. I sometimes read (right now it’s Rebel Buddha by that rockstar Ponlop), but meditation has taken a backseat. When I first started this journey, I think I used mediation as an escape from the stress of the bullshit that was happening in my life. Now things are just going so well since I met this woman, the cruise control is just engaged and I’m enjoying life. I will sit when my head feels cloudy. Am I “doing it wrong?” Dunno…
Good things are happening: the divorce is almost complete, waiting for the judge to sign off on it. I just paid off my truck this morning. Work is going really well and I’m on the right track for advancement. The best part of all is that I met someone who I truly believe is my soul mate. Yeah, it sounds cliche’, but whatever. No woman I’ve been with has ever made me feel as good about myself as she does. Yes, I’ve been in love before, but not like this. I’m just bummed it took 35 years, but at least I will get to spend the next 35+ years with her and her rad daughter.
I guess this is an update entry, stream of consciousness, really. I’m alive, just enjoying waking up every morning and actually looking forward to what the day brings. I missed that feeling.
A couple months ago (ok, longer than that) I wrote a post about just saying “fuck it all” and not worrying so much about the bullshit in life regarding work, women, and wheels. Now, I will write about the irony of putting this into practice.
In that post, I pissed and moaned about work being slow and not sure if I wanted that as a career. I decided to value the fact that I even have a job and said “fuck it” to worrying about not enough work and it will get better. Well, it did. Though not an official promotion, there were some changes in my company as far as I am concerned and in a sense I got a raise and a promotion. I will just say it’s a great feeling when the owner of the company recognizes you as a valuable asset to the company.
I also whined in that post about my vehicle being broken down. It turned out to be a major fix (catalytic converter had to be replaced), and I was able to get it fixed. So now I got my wheels back. *hella stoked*
Lastly, I bitched about feeling alone for the holidays. Well, about 2 weeks after writing that post, I met someone on a dating website. I finally found someone to spend the holidays with, and I tell you, it’s the most amazing feeling. She had already made plans to be out of town for NYE with her family, so I wasn’t able to kiss her at midnight, but it’s a great feeling when someone tells you “we will have next NYE.” We’ve been seeing each other for almost 2 months and it’s great. She has the most amazing smile I’ve ever seen.
So yeah, I guess when it got to the point where I just said “fuck it all,” things just started falling into place.
Wow. It’s been 2 months since I posted anything on this blog. Life has been a whirlwind lately. Work went full-blast for the last 2 months, and then last week it came to a screeching halt. I knew I would be off the week of Thanksgiving, but as of right now, I don’t know when I will be scheduled next. In addition to not working, my vehicle has been broken down for the last month or so. Not working means no money to fix it, so on top of trying to pay bills, there’s that.
I’ve been disillusioned lately and the holidays always bring these feelings up. I’m 35 and don’t have what I can call an actual “career” and my job is seasonal. I like it, but it’s not what I want to do the rest of my life. These days it’s hard to even find a job, so I am thankful to have it, and work my ass off when I’m there. But I feel like I need something more; I’m not fulfilled.
The holidays always remind me of the shitty feeling of being alone. I don’t have a love interest in my life anymore, and the holidays make that a lot more apparent. It’s nice being single, but reflecting back to previous years, not having someone to share the holidays with kinda sucks.
So you know what? Fuck it all.
I’m going to do my best to just keep up with my practice. I will continue to trudge down life’s path one step at a time, being mindful with whatever I encounter, and remind myself that it’s all impermanent. A new project will start, so the work will eventually be there and more bills will get paid. Who knows, a new career opportunity may present itself and just maybe someday, a beautiful woman will come along and fill that gap in my heart.
If I wake up tomorrow, it will be a beautiful day just because I woke up.
Fight Club is one of my top 5 all-time-favorite movies. If you’ve seen the movie, it goes without saying that there are many memorable quotes. I said it anyway because maybe one of the 3 people that read this blog have not seen the movie.
After watching it for the eleventeenth time a couple weeks ago, I sat down to meditate before bed. My mind was racing and I couldn’t relax, because I couldn’t stop thinking about all the stressful shit in my life.
The Buddha called this experience “monkey mind,” where thoughts run through your head like a monkey swinging through trees, not able to sit still. If you’re anything like me, you waste energy trying to tame the monkey, and that’s after you’re worn out just from trying to catch it. Next thing you know, you’ve forgotten all about the breath and frustration sets in. My nature is to beat myself up over things that don’t mean much; I sweat the small stuff. I have to learn to go easy on myself and just get back on track. Eventually I will be able to control the frustration, just shrug it off and keep going. No one said this would be easy, that’s why they call this “practice.”
I’ve been bitching and moaning lately about how old I feel, due to my little boy starting 7th grade. It seems time passes way too quickly, because it feels like yesterday I was holding him and his brother in the palms of my hands. As I dropped him off at his first day of school, in his skinny jeans and beanie with some random logo from some random skateboard company, I couldn’t help but feel a little crotchety. However, I am very proud of this boy. He has always been very well-behaved and is well-liked by everyone he meets. He’s a peacemaker (although his little brother might argue that), and even-tempered. I’m a lucky dad.
Today also marks the 10 year anniversary of when we lost my father to cancer. He was only 48 years old. After dropping off my son at school, I stopped off at the cemetery to visit my dad. There’s not much to say other than I miss him a lot. I wish he could have been around to watch his grandson grow up. I can only hope that the pride I feel for my son, my dad felt about me. He instilled in me a very strong work ethic, and I hope he’s proud of how hard I work. I can’t help but wonder if he felt like a lucky dad.
Today is just one more lesson in impermanence. Our parents will not always be there for us, although there are times over the last 10 years I really wish my dad was around to give me advice when I needed it. Our babies will not always be babies. Before you know it, they will go from crawling around and sucking on a bottle to doing kickflips and listening to Iron Maiden.
Time passes before our eyes just as the wind carries the leaves, never stationary. Don’t get attached, enjoy the time, and cherish the memory. It’s quite a lesson.
Metal Buddha 