Archive for March, 2011

Yes, it has been awhile since I have posted on my blog. Life has been a whirlwind as of late, and even though I have had the time due to not working much, I have not had the motivation. This happens pretty frequently. There are times when I feel my only escape from the normal bullshit of life is to open a text editor and go to town. Then there are times when I feel so complacent and apathetic I don’t feel like doing shit. As far as my practice is concerned, I couldn’t even tell you the last time I sat down to meditate.

Since there have been changes to my life over the last few months, there have been a lot of questions: Will I get to work next week? How am I going to pay those bills? How do I dig out of this hole I’m in financially and emotionally?

The end of February also marks the time of year where I find myself depressed due to it being my son’s birthday and a week later the anniversary of his death. It’s been 6 years but the pain is still there. I know there is a lesson in all of this as far as practice goes but right now I’m swimming in confusion.

However, as I’m typing this, I am realizing where my practice has been. I’ve been keeping busy making improvements to my new residence; cleaning the carpets and such. My roommates and I have been working on the yard, clearing out weeds and trimming dead branches and also planning a garden. We have started the seeds, and within a couple months are hoping to enjoy the fruit (and vegetables) of our labors. It’s hard work, yet it is exciting to see the transformation. So there is my practice; out with the old and in with the new. Sweep the dust and push the dirt (as my dharma homie ZDZD says).

I’ve also been able to spend some more time with my son, which is great. My roommate/best friend/boss (now that he got promoted to DM!) recently got me into playing disc golf, and in turn we got my son into it as well, so I bought him his own set of discs for his birthday. I have found an activity that gives us a chance to not only spend time quality time together, we get to be outside, where the courses are setup in a way that it’s like being on a nature hike. That, and we got a killer deal on a ping pong table!

My apologies for the stream of consciousness, but that’s the product of my state of mind lately.


\m/ Metal Buddha \m/