My New Prescription

Posted: 11/27/2011 in Mindfulness, Practice

Wow. It’s been 2 months since I posted anything on this blog. Life has been a whirlwind lately. Work went full-blast for the last 2 months, and then last week it came to a screeching halt. I knew I would be off the week of Thanksgiving, but as of right now, I don’t know when I will be scheduled next. In addition to not working, my vehicle has been broken down for the last month or so. Not working means no money to fix it, so on top of trying to pay bills, there’s that.

I’ve been disillusioned lately and the holidays always bring these feelings up. I’m 35 and don’t have what I can call an actual “career” and my job is seasonal. I like it, but it’s not what I want to do the rest of my life. These days it’s hard to even find a job, so I am thankful to have it, and work my ass off when I’m there. But I feel like I need something more; I’m not fulfilled.

The holidays always remind me of the shitty feeling of being alone. I don’t have a love interest in my life anymore, and the holidays make that a lot more apparent. It’s nice being single, but reflecting back to previous years, not having someone to share the holidays with kinda sucks.

So you know what? Fuck it all.

I’m going to do my best to just keep up with my practice. I will continue to trudge down life’s path one step at a time, being mindful with whatever I encounter, and remind myself that it’s all impermanent. A new project will start, so the work will eventually be there and more bills will get paid. Who knows, a new career opportunity may present itself and just maybe someday, a beautiful woman will come along and fill that gap in my heart.

If I wake up tomorrow, it will be a beautiful day just because I woke up.

With heavy metta…

  1. leslie says:

    heavy metta right back at ya, ‘fukitol’ sounds like a great plan, i think when you said you were 35 it hit home, my son is 30, and not settled into a ‘life’ job, maybe there doesn’t need to be one, do what works for you, he has told me ,more than once, to just listen not give advice, just remember, every moment is a new beginning, metta

    • metalbuddha says:

      Thanks for the comment! Yeah I had a career up until about 3 years ago, then the economy went to shit and that was that. I haven’t been able to bounce back since, and maybe you’re right, there may not be one. All we can do is keep on keepin’ on. 🙂

  2. David Ashton says:

    All the best. Makes me think of that old saying, “We are constantly presented with wonderful opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” Metta back – keeping an eye out for your next post _/\_

  3. tmc says:

    You’re definitely not alone in all this. I’m 36 and “in between” jobs. It really is about taking 1 day at a time, and just being prepared for an avalanche of goodness to come your way. Peace.

  4. […] couple months ago (ok, longer than that) I wrote a post about just saying “fuck it all” and not worrying so much about the bullshit in life regarding work, women, and wheels. Now, I will […]

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